I’ve been trying to figure out if this is the right thing to do or not (posting my work that is!) The reality is this blog gets between zero and one hit a week (and I suspect that one is Google) – I think that’s a good thing and this is really a personal diary of a journey that at some point in the future may help others on the same path but also provide a place for me to re-discover what I was thinking and doing as I stepped through the process.

So if you are reading this please take these posts as they’re intended and offer your feedback, thoughts and prayers.

Part of the selection  process involves writing short essays on certain topics. The first I was asked to write was to help me understand if my calling was towards offering as a Deacon or as a Priest. I’ve posted what I wrote below – I’ll continue to post these but only after I’ve presented them and had feedback on them from my Area Director of Ordinands. Your thoughts are very welcome on them. They are designed (from what I can tell so far) to encourage me to think and pray about a certain topic in detail.

What is a priest and why do I want to be one?

This is a more difficult subject to write on than I first imagined. I needed to separate the titles from the practice – the words from the action. I feel this exercise has helped me understand the differences between a ‘deacon’ and a ‘priest’ and what my calling is pointing me towards.

The difficulty I had with the title of priest is the almost incessant use of the word ‘leader’. I made the mistake of confusing the leadership of a priest with the secular meaning of the word – something I’m very familiar with. I lead people on a daily basis – I write and help people understand large complex strategies and how that translates into tactical work each week. It would be easy to draw a parallel with the role of a priest as leader; a role that requires him or her to help people understand a complex big picture and what that means day-to-day.

I think this is a mistake. I don’t see, and I certainly can’t discern my calling into the role of ‘translation of faith’ – a diktat on what it means to be a Christian and engage with the Church. In trying to write this short essay I have searched for a way to answer this question – the more I think and pray on it the more I see the role of priest as a farmer.

A farmer is responsible for his farm – it can be 1,500 acres, or just a small plot – regardless of the size his duties remain the same. He needs to care for everyone within his farm – from the gentleman who comes to collect the milk, to the poacher hiding in the woods. He is a good neighbour to other farmers (even if they are growing crops he doesn’t think are worth while), he is part of an ecosystem that needs to be cared for in partnership with a large number of other people.

He needs to care for his stock, plan for their care and lead them with gentle kindness to ensure they are safe and can find what they need. A farmer does not chain his horse to the trough because he knows the water is good for him, rather he ensures that the trough is clean, available and always full to the brim with water. He can show the horse where the trough is and help the horse by making sure his field is clear of obstacles.

I understand that this may appear quite trite; a rather obvious metaphor for a priest, but one that does help me to voice my understanding of a priest. A priest needs to lead a congregation in worship, he needs to lead his congregation in prayer and he needs to lead his congregation in a maturing of their faith. A priest does not dictate to his congregation what they must and must not do – he gives them the tools to discover those truths for themselves.

A priest’s congregation is not limited to those sitting in the pews on a Sunday morning – or if you’re lucky at morning prayer! A priest in today’s society is a farmer without land. He must connect with people outside his church building – he must see Church all around him and help others to see that as well. Importantly he must help those inside the Church to see those outside – this is a part of priesthood that feels much more diaconal in service rather than priestly in leadership. Through this work I have come to understand to a much greater degree the role of deacon in every priest.

This is where I see my role as a priest being. On the edges of Church offering people with faith – who may not be ready to come to church – an opportunity to discuss their faith, an opportunity to find faith – an opportunity to have a conversation with someone who won’t respond with a raised eyebrow and question their reason.

I work in an industry based on science, on hard research and on not making decisions based on gut feeling or intuition. Digital research and development requires firm evidence before moving forward, if you don’t have that evidence then you stop re-assess and retest before trying again. It means people with faith can be left feeling like outsiders. There is no-one in their work life that they can talk to or mature their faith with. Talking about faith is seen as a weakness. I want to reach out to those people, to that congregation if you like, to be a visible person of faith who is also a working member of their industry. I want to show people that you can be an evidence based professional and a person of faith – that whilst science answers our questions on how – faith helps us answer questions on why. Science and faith are not enemies; they are brother parts of the same journey towards understanding.

As a priest I will be able to fully engage with this community – and importantly, something I’d not fully understood – play a full role within my parish. Leading worship, leading prayer, helping people of a parish marry, take communion and mature their faith is something that will ground my ministry and enhance it – it’s not about being a manager of a church building. This is the heart of ministry and I had not fully grasped that until I walked through this process.